It is hard to live in a place where you don’t feel welcome and are being subjected to starvation by your own flesh and blood. I feel frail and tired far too often. I want to work more but with no money I can’t afford gas, leaving me in a spiral of sadness and confusion. Why is living so caustic. I revel in the thought of living on my own again but I think this thought is 6 months out of the question. I am stuck and the only one who even tries to help is stuck with me.
Hopefully our detailed planning with go through and work to our advantage, if now we shall be hungry for many more nights.
Kinda sad today, and yesterday for that matter. I don’t think I should be sad but I am. My mother is trying to evict me, note- she isn’t even my landlord. It is my aunt, and I am more than certain no one knows of my mothers bat-shit insanity. My birthday is tomorrow and she hasn’t spoken a word to me since yesterday and it was nothing more than hurtful gibberish. I was hoping things were clearing up with her attitude issues, but I was wrong. I am nothing more to her at this juncture in my life but a cash cow for her to get by. I hate that it is this way but it is and has been my life for a few years now. I can only hope to save up enough to get out until I can figure out where I belong in this world. I hope tomorrow is debaucherous and wonderful as it should for your 21st birthday. I only wish I was in California with all of my friends and not alone with the one person who is sticking by me through this shit.
Okay, I am done bitching. It felt good, now to get positive. Or at least try.
Time to go sell NCAA to weirdos who think fantasy football is a good excuse to be called a gamer. Woooo!